lonely

i am lonely and crying. oh what a nice life.

Egypt Photos =D

writiiiing

cant update at the same time. too many distractions.

Writing

I'm writing again. 
Planning. 

Will I ever be a 'grown up'?

Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever be a real grown up. Yes, I live in my own flat, I have a puppy, a long term boyfriend, and I'm at university- still. But I still wonder if I'll ever accomplish half of the things that I say I'd love to do. I think I doubt my ability to do anything, I'm still diseased really. Sometimes I have these cravings to be how I was before- anorexic, depressed and failing. I'm just about to go into my second year at University. I had to drop out the first time, due to being so ill. It was Robb that changed everything for me really, he gave me a choice, our relationship, or I continue to self-destruct. It took me near on a year to see that I really needed to get better. I chose our relationship, and now we're better than ever- aside from the odd relapse. 


I'm still struggling to write. It seems I can only write when I'm depressed, and I don't ever want to be there again. I'm going to show you something, a before and after. The before is in the throes of anorexia- which from time to time I feel the need to relapse into- and an after, a photo from last weeks holiday- and it shows how far I've come.

Egypt was amazing. Oh, I know this blog wont even be interesting to anyone, but I may as well write it anyway. 

More Introductions

It's been quite sunny today, although chilly. I like the sunshine, and I think most people do- there's something about it which seems to make the day seem happier. I took Daisy for a little walk today, as she was going stir crazy in the garden, and I needed to get my hours from work since getting back from Egypt. I think her stitches are healing up nicely, or well at least I hope so. 


Robb and I went to Egypt for a week on holiday on the 3rd June, and it was really quite nice there- the heat was so intense. I did get a little bit ill over the week, but apparently that's how it is with Egyptian food- it's very different to English food. We went to Luxor which was absolutely amazing- seeing the temples and tombs of the Pharaohs. It was so surreal to think that the places we were standing in were built 3000 years ago with the simplest tools. The colours and carvings are still in the walls and everything. I'll have to include some photos. 


I've been trying to continue writing what I started a while ago, but for some reason I just cant. Writers' block is so, so annoying. Over the past year I have been recovering from severe depression and anorexia (I don't like the label, but I want to be honest with everyone) and as I've gradually gotten better, I've found writing anything very hard. I seem to have all these ideas in my head, but nothing actually manifests itself. Well, I say all these ideas- it's one- and I know it's what I would like to write (and hopefully get published) for my first novel. 


Overcoming what I have has been very difficult, and it's a long process which isn't over yet- and I realise that. But if I compare myself to how I was a year ago, I know I was so much worse. It's a gradual process which I am grateful that I started. I'm pleased that Robb encouraged me and has helped me through all of this- I would not have been able to do any of this. 


Well, I'm off to cook dinner. 

The Very Very Beginning.

My name is Alyss Gray. I am 20 years old, and I currently live in a nondescript area of the UK, living a perhaps nondescript life that for some reason I felt the need to write about. I am a writer, or at least I am trying- or pretending, I can never tell which- to be. I'm living with a friend- who for the sake of this blog I'll call Jon- that I have known since secondary school, and my dog, Daisy, who is just over a year old. My boyfriend of 3 years works for a rather large professional services company- currently in Manchester, soon to be in London- and we'll call him Robb. I understand this bit is boring, but you need the basics.


This isn't my first time keeping a 'blog' as such, and I don't suppose it will be my last. I think this is all I will write for now, the pup needs my attention, she has stitches at the moment, an accident in the woods. I need to give her antibiotics. I must admit I'm being soft with her since the accident, letting her sleep in my bed to stop her getting at the wound in her bed. Only for the next 5 days though!